Odalisque by PF Jeffery (my comments on chapter six)
Chapter 6 - Enslavement
Much striking prose about life with the canal pirates, i.e gongoozlers (idlers that loaf around canals), plus slave-branding (With a shudder, I wondered whether a long name hurt more than a short one – and how many letters there would be in mine), slave-trimming, impulsive love, cosmetics, slave swill....
Lessons, too:
“One of the lessons I will teach you,” she continued, no longer applying the whip, “is that a slave never lies to her mistress. Neither does a mistress lie to a slave – it is beneath her dignity to do so. So, when I tell you that you won’t be rescued, you may believe it. Well – do you believe me?”
The branding reveals a major plot-turn:
Looking at my injured thigh, I saw that it was now neatly marked with Cap’n Gentle’s sign, the registration number 1207 and the name Tuerqui. In my moment of pain I had passed from being Princess Margaret of the Blood
Spiritual revelations:
This brought my first sense that enslavement was in some wise a liberation.
And a beautiful ending to this chapter:
Dark shadows about me shifted a little, bodies drawn together in the night. Pressing closer to my friend, Leggi’s curves were warm, her skin velvet soft. The hull beneath me bumped gently against the bank, bobbing noticeably on the water, moist canal noises lulled me towards sleeping.
Typo:
although difficulty in lifting the chins was entirely responsible for my tardiness.
Is that something to do with Lord Bustain’s multiple chins? :-)
Query:
Passing the rear end of the boat, there was a hissing and rattling
Should this be ‘there were a hissing and rattling’ or ‘there was some hissing and rattling’ or is it OK as it is?
========================
Word docs of the actual chapters are freely available to readers of this blog.
Thanks for pointing out the typo. Nothing to do with Lord Bustain's chins, it should (of course) have been "chains". I've corrected it now.
The "beautiful" ending to the chapter is entirely new (won't be found on the blog version of the book).
My feeling is that "there was a hissing and rattling" is fine -- and better than either of your alternatives. "Was" singular because the hissing and rattling are fused into a single sound.
The idea that slave and mistress never lie to one another is reprised several times during the book. I think, for example, of this from Chapter 30:
“Tuerqui,” Lisa-Louise asked, “what do you think is the most beautiful thing about the mistress and slave relationship?”
“I’m not sure, mistress, but it might be the slave’s perfect submission – and the mistress’ acceptance of that submission. Her submission is the slave’s greatest possession – and her greatest gift.”
“Perhaps, Tuerqui, but that wasn’t what I had in mind. I was thinking of the truthfulness of the relationship. Persons lie all of the time – persons who think they are in love with one another. But for a slave to lie to her mistress would be a treason against her submission, and for a mistress to lie to her slave would be beneath her dignity.”