Odalisque by PF Jeffery (my comments on Chapter 8)
Chapter 8 - Destinations
Onward with Tuerqui’s rite of passage in captivity, spiritually, salaciously, politically. A real fantasy flavour to this chapter, with shifting visions – perhaps symbolic of the novel itself strobing between truth and untruth ... between faith and fabrication. Beautifully told, as ever. And we meet one of the big name players of the story towards the end of the chapter.
No typos or queries this time! Damn!
Some snippets I took a fancy to:
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It was hard to sleep that night, settled on the ground without any form of bedding. The proximity of the
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Abruptly, I stepped from the mist. Before me was a barren greyish expanse – undoubtedly the
[1] This must have been an effect of breathing the hallucinatory vapour as Tuerqui crossed the Doubtful Ridge. Accounts of journeys in the opposite direction report similar things of the Cracked Meadow – and the innocent farmlands beyond.
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Soon I was in a strange dream world where things that might have been slave boys vanished whenever I tried to look at them.
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An impression that refused to be dismissed was of the plants having been tortured into unnatural forms. Years later, my friend Passibelle told me that this was precisely correct – that the mad torment composer Calline Smith had spent several years inflicting pain upon Badlands vegetation[2].
[2] Calline Smith (YD 529-572) was a torment composer, of whom strange stories are told. The story of plant torment is recounted at length in Doreen Harkness’ Lives of the Composers, although she gives it no credence. Presumably, nothing of the sort ever existed – and none of Smith’s scores survive. Rabbit Wood now seems to be an unremarkable tract of woodland.
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Word docs of the actual chapters are freely available to readers of this blog.
'Odalisque' by PF Jeffery (my comments on Chapter 7)
Chapter 7 - Travelling
much of the time was spent with Cap’n Gentle negotiating rights of passage
Travelling with the canal pirates. Seeing gory battle zones. Practising the art of whip-making. Rites of passage as well as rights of passage, in fact!
Two snippets from this travelling:
Much as he disliked gongoozlers, the Cap’n hated anglers with more vehemence. He kept a pole tipped with a sharp blade to sever fishing lines. If they protested, or were exceptionally ugly, he wielded a pole axe to decapitate them. Once I saw half a dozen heads in the water as I polished the brass work of the motor boat.
Covering my weals was essentially uncomplicated, although it could be laborious. Creating false marks was much more complex. Lady Isobel explained that whipping was an art – and one in which, should our subsequent owners be unskilled, they would not wish our backs to broadcast their shame.
Then Tuerqui is finally ‘debouched’ upon land and farewell to the canal. I love the way Tuerqui has the strong female trait of caring for others’ plights, despite her own. Love and loss of love.
A lot of uncouth chatter is heard.
Many new characters towards the end of the chapter as Tuerqui faces head-on new adventures and dangers.
The writing continues to be compulsive, beautiful and clear. (Still uncertain about the immediate clarity of some elided dialogue).
QUERIES
Amongst the stranger skills were using pancake make up to cover our real lash marks, and sticks of colour to make false ones – often both in combination.
Should not ‘were’ be ‘was’ OR insert ‘using’ before ‘sticks’?
The women examined the ponies in much the way they’d assessed we slaves. It was clear that ponies and slaves alike were being disposed as a job lot. My awareness that ponies are more expensive than slaves increased my disquiet. Perhaps seven weeks before, I had been given two ponies as birthday presents.
“So, seizing we slaves
I included the first passage because I simply like it and it sheds meaningful light. But should not ‘we slaves’ in both cases be ‘us slaves’?
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Word docs of the actual chapters are freely available to readers of this blog.
My Comments on Big Brother (9) - Summer 2008
COMMENTS CONTINUED FROM HERE: http://newdfl.bloghorn.com/215
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Dale seems a very strange creature of the impulsive quirk. His gesture towards Rex's private parts after squirming in face of Rex's questions about what he had meant .... was quite bizarre. Dale is a pixie in disguise.
Rex and Bex...
Rex is King-in-his-own mind.
Marion's portrait of Bex as a St Trinian's girl is a simply brilliant observation.
Stuart (like Dale) is typical of men of his age who speak in riddles. In comes from a lifetime of texting and emailing, coupled with a male pride in paradoxically voluble terseness.
Mario was rabbiting on again last night about risk assessments.
Rachel met the first tragedy in her cocooned life. Not being able to prance around on moving escalators.
As to me being on BB, Gary, I would end up spouting, like Luke, as if I'm writing one of these posts to this thread. Moments of rare original observation but essentially detached, essentially not there, immune to any real human advances that the rarefied internet (where I live these days) cocoons me from.
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Painting smudged, face splashed.
A combination of events - (mainly Jen's incapability to accept Rex's apology (an apology that had been seriously given) regarding an admittedly stupid act of vandalism but, after all, an act done in the context of the Big Brother Show) - led to all sorts of repercussions and already pent-up emotions to explode. BB was right to evict Dennis and Dennis was right, eventually, to be ashamed of his behaviour. I was also dismayed at behaviour by Stu, Dale and Bex.
Quite sorry to see Sylvia go. She had a bit of spirit, although two-faced and petulant and childish.
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(to be continued)
Odalisque by PF Jeffery (my comments on chapter six)
Chapter 6 - Enslavement
Much striking prose about life with the canal pirates, i.e gongoozlers (idlers that loaf around canals), plus slave-branding (With a shudder, I wondered whether a long name hurt more than a short one – and how many letters there would be in mine), slave-trimming, impulsive love, cosmetics, slave swill....
Lessons, too:
“One of the lessons I will teach you,” she continued, no longer applying the whip, “is that a slave never lies to her mistress. Neither does a mistress lie to a slave – it is beneath her dignity to do so. So, when I tell you that you won’t be rescued, you may believe it. Well – do you believe me?”
The branding reveals a major plot-turn:
Looking at my injured thigh, I saw that it was now neatly marked with Cap’n Gentle’s sign, the registration number 1207 and the name Tuerqui. In my moment of pain I had passed from being Princess Margaret of the Blood
Spiritual revelations:
This brought my first sense that enslavement was in some wise a liberation.
And a beautiful ending to this chapter:
Dark shadows about me shifted a little, bodies drawn together in the night. Pressing closer to my friend, Leggi’s curves were warm, her skin velvet soft. The hull beneath me bumped gently against the bank, bobbing noticeably on the water, moist canal noises lulled me towards sleeping.
Typo:
although difficulty in lifting the chins was entirely responsible for my tardiness.
Is that something to do with Lord Bustain’s multiple chins? :-)
Query:
Passing the rear end of the boat, there was a hissing and rattling
Should this be ‘there were a hissing and rattling’ or ‘there was some hissing and rattling’ or is it OK as it is?
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Word docs of the actual chapters are freely available to readers of this blog.
BIG BROTHER (9) - SUMMER 2008
Continued from here: http://weirdmonger.mindsay.com/big_brother_celebrity_hijack.mws
MY COMMENTS ON THE TTA PRESS DISCUSSION FORUM (THANKS AS EVER TO MARION):-
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I see that the new Big Brother (just started) has a cage full of dolls' heads with no eyes!
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Thanks for the aide memoire, Marion. Will you be asking questions later? 
Actually, I'm filled with more hope than despair regarding this launch than previous years. And let's all shout THE SUMMER'S NOT THE SUMMER WITHOUT BIG BROTHER! Hooray!
A blind man and and albino. A short Thai girl with cookies. And four people on a secret mission. What more could one want?
I promise to learn the names before next time.
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Hmmm, there is so much going on tonight - not sure what to pick out.
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I'm torn between believing this task to be the best or the worst BB task ever. It's so cringe-worthy! And I do feel sorry for Stephanie. It's really doing her head in. Not sure where it's going to end up. ============================ Mikey is a strange cove. Without being blindist, I suspect he can see more than he lets on. An archetypal BB-character. ======================
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ODALISQUE by PF Jeffery
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My comments on this novel have now moved here;
http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2008/06/odalisque.html
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DF Lewis Handwriting
This is the first draft (first page) of the novel entitled THE HAWLER by DFL:-
Pet Jeffery Handwriting
This shows the writer (in his last paragraph) on the historic brink of completing his magnum opus 'Odalisque'. The date was 26/5/08.
